I remember being a kid and my mom making a big deal that it was going to be my dad's birthday. Did you get him a gift? Did you make a card? Did you even REMEMBER it was his birthday? I'm 38 years old, short answer, no - I never remember any of this. I'm terrible at birthdays - ask my wife. We have a group chat with my cousins and siblings (Jess Blackburn,MSM, Paul Castonguay, Kyle Luong, Sara, & Elise), and without fail its one of them that sends out the courtesy shout out that it's someone's birthday. I have to make calendar invites to remember my kids birthdays. And no, its not like I don't remember the date, its just that I just don't realize that TODAY is that date and....whatever.

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And really, I blame my dad for this. Every year for his birthday he would come back with the same response - why is today special? You only think of me today? If you really cared you would think of me EVERY day.

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He does this for everything. Have an Anniversary? Big Deal, why bother doing something special on one day and totally disregard the other 364 days?

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Someone dies in the family and you're at a funeral? Why are you crying? There is no point in crying now and saying you miss such and such. Why didn't you spend time with them while they were here.

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I remember buying my dad a tool for his birthday one year, or maybe it was Christmas, or some event. He opened it, looked at it, and then said something to the effect - that's nice, why did you get a B on your report card. If you loved me, it would be all A's.

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Yup. I suck at gift giving now. So where am I going with this....

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We just finished our end of year reviews with staff. And for what it's worth - my staff is mostly 23 to 33 year old kids. So understandably I am emotionally exhausted by having to sit through 15 hours of pep talks to ensure that I don't send the wrong message and damage their sensitive souls... (not really, my staff is great, but the level of emotional intelligence needed manage this group is absurd).

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A quick aside on reviews - I know the word "review" is a bit of a 4-letter word. And rightfully so. Trying to squeeze someone's existence into a series of 5 bubbles rated from 0 to 5, or Unacceptable to Excellent, or whatever other nonsense is useless. Having trivial statements from management that read like a baseball slogan book is also useless. We do our reviews more like an examination of conscience - ask 6 big questions with a bunch of teaser thoughts to try and elicit a conversation. I'm not saying that this is God's gift to reviews, but it does allow for a more approachable conversation instead of a one way correspondence.

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In either case, one topic came up over and over again about how staff are communicated to. Something like..."I wish my questions were fully answered and CLEAR direction given to accomplish a given task..." Seriously, without fail this came up in every interview. In one, I challenged the respondent...

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Me: Why do you need every answer?

Them: I want to make sure I do a good job and get it right.Me: What happens if you don't do a good job? Or if it's not right?Them: I dunno. I just don't want to mess it up or be wrong.

Me: What's wrong with making mistakes? What's wrong with being wrong?

Them: Um...I dunno. I just don't want to fail.

Me: Have you ever failed? Its awesome.

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I ended up calling everyone together in the office today after reviews were done and had a little sit down to address this and told them this:

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I have never had one client that came in and said they want exactly such and such, and they want it this way and that way, and they knew exactly what they wanted to pay for it, and then....it actually happened. We work in an industry that is full of the GREY. Clients sort of know what they want, but they can't tell it to you. When I work with my project managers and give them instruction there is always some GREY. And when they turn around and direct staff there is even more GREY. And thats OK.

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There is nothing wrong with being wrong. In fact you have to be wrong a lot to learn how to do things right in this industry. This company doesn't go out of business because Stephen Ruiz didn't sell the client on the first idea. Or Yesika Soto, AIA didn't get the interior design perfect. Or that Craig Uptmor somehow had to make a second and third presentation to get the design nailed down. Architecture is a NON-LINEAR profession that has as much to do with FEELING the design as it does with the technicalities of design.

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I have gladly let employees spin for a few days on a design, or a site plan, or a rendering, or a cartoon set - knowing full well that they are going in circles and not producing work. I WANT them to feel that at least once. Sometimes we get so deep into a task that we don't even realize we're stuck. But by having had the experience of spinning, you'll know and remember that feeling so you can ask for help.

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Hell - I get stuck, a lot. I had a 100 acre master plan to crank out in a few days and just couldn't get off first base. So I grabbed the three closest people to me in the office with some trace paper and a print out of the site and just started to sketch and collaborate and sketch and throw away and sketch again until finally we collectively got to something that worked.

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Its OK to fail. Its OK to be wrong. Its OK to not know what you're doing. What's important is that you KNOW that something is wrong, and you reach out to the people around you and rely on them to find the right solution to a project.

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So what does any of this have to do with my dad and birthdays? Nothing really. I forgot his birthday last week and it just so happened that I was going to stop by his house on my way to a meeting to say hi. My sister reminded me it was his birthday on a phone call before I got there. We ended up going out to breakfast with my mom, dad, niece and nephew - nobody the wiser that I had no idea it was November 21st.

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But, yes. Maybe there is a connection here. What good does it do to try and wrap up a single persons contribution to the firm in a 20 minute sit down and three pieces of paper? Probably nothing. What I have learned in the 30 odd months of running this ship is that people want to be heard on a Wednesday. They want to be included. They want to be listened to. They want to have feedback in the moment that identifies what can be done better, and what was done well.

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I hear my dad in my head - what good does it do to celebrate another year of service in a single sit down? What have you done to connect on the other 364 days of the year?

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